Parenting

The Kid’s Menu: Food Marketing to Children

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Kids Menu Title Text

Happy New Year! If you resolved to feed your munchkins a healthier diet (yay!), you need to know that purveyors of fast food are not on your side. Their success depends on your failure, and they have bigger wallets than you do.

Knowledge is power, so some facts about fast food advertising from the Rudd Center:

  • In 2012, 4.6 billion dollars was spent on fast food advertising. That is a hard number for me to get my brain around. 4.6 billion dollars will buy 920 million kid’s meals: 33,000 lifetimes worth of daily happy meals. Imagine the profit that must be generated to make spending that amount of money reasonable. These people are not your friends.
  • Fewer than 1% of kid’s meals (33 out of 5427)  met USDA nutrition standards.
  • Only 3% of kid’s meals met the industry’s own standards.

Fast food was traditionally advertised in print, on TV and radio, and on billboards. Add on product placement and packaging (that attractive box is not at small-hand-reaching-from-cart-distance by accident). Pile on celebrity endorsements and the use of popular characters (Spongebob Squarepants Fruit Snacks anyone?)

Newer methods embrace social media, including YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook. Americans spent an estimated 121 billion minutes–a total of 230,213 years–on social media in 2012. Where better to find a potential customer?

Social media sites entice with advergames, contests, points to redeem, and free downloads; if your child subscribes to or follows a YouTube or Twitter site he or she is volunteering to be sent endless “opportunities,” with ads on the side. They recruit their users (your children) to “share” and “invite” friends to participate on the websites–free word of mouth advertising! The star of social media is Facebook, but it comes with 6 billion fast food ads–19% of the total ads on the site.

Advertisers hire brilliant marketers to design attractive logos which grab the attention of potential customers. Food stylists make their options look better than they ever do in reality. Ads hint at advantages beyond the food: “Live every day with love” with Ne-Yo at McDonalds, or have cool friends with applewood smoked “bacon teens” at Wendy’s. They suggest health benefits and a happier, more carefree life. They bait with prices that will feed your children more cheaply than the grocery store, until you switch to higher priced items at the counter.

McDonalds alone spends almost three times the dollars on advertisements than all of the fruit, vegetable, water, and milk producers combined.

Children’s advocates fight to decrease fast food advertisements aimed at children, and increase ads for nutritious foods. We fight to have most of the kid’s options healthy, not just the current average of 2%. We work to make fast food restaurants default to a healthy option (apples and milk, rather than fries and soda), and keep those healthy options affordable. We have made inroads, but the struggle is a mountain and profit motive is a mudslide.

Fast food ads have presence in your child’s life. They are unavoidable. Your children will see them and will want what they are selling.

We have absolutely no evidence that media literacy in any way defends against the effectiveness of advertisements. None. Knowing that they are trying to sell you something that is bad for you does not keep you from wanting it. You may not remember that you can “live every day with love” with Ne-Yo, but you will get a bit of a lift when you see that bright red and gold sign. We are grown ups, and we fall for the ads. We cannot expect more of our children than we do of ourselves.

In the end, it comes down to committing to do the right thing, and then acting on that commitment:

  • Clean out your cupboards and throw out all the junk.
  • Make a meal plan for the week before you shop.
  • Shop with a list made from that meal plan.
  • Shop at farmer’s markets and around the outer rim of the grocery store. Avoid the aisles unless there is something on your list that is on that aisle.
  • Prepare meals ahead for busy nights, so that you don’t end up in that line at the fast food restaurant.
  • Keep healthy snack food available to hand: fruits and veggies, whole grain crackers, cheese, popcorn… Throw out the chips and snack cakes.
  • Eat the food you bought, at home, with your kids, at the table and with the TV off. So much better than the fast food line with your kids bickering in the back seat!

Most importantly, be consistent.

Remember that “never” is much easier for a child to understand and deal with than “sometimes.” If you never stop at the drive through and never buy junk food, after the first two weeks your kids will rarely ask, even though they saw that yummy advertisement a dozen times and really wanted to try those fruit snacks.

If you sometimes give in, they will ask until your ears bleed. Pestering is powerful when you’re tired and stressed.

You can do this. They have 4.6 billion dollars on their side, but you have love for your children and the responsibility they handed you with that warm sweet bundle. You win.

Domesticated Momster

Parenting: Top Ten Transforming New Year’s Resolutions

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storkHappy New Year! Time for those resolutions. This year, instead of resolving to lose that last ten pounds or eat more veggies (although I will applaud you if you do), resolve to do the best job at parenting. The reward is so much bigger than going down a clothing size! So, my Top 10 Amazing New Year’s Parenting Resolutions:

I will henceforth…

10. Require chores. Equal participation is fundamental to receive the reward of being in a family. The pride your child feels serving the carrots he helped peel is well worth the time it takes to get him to do it. Every member of the family contributes, to the best of their ability. Family bonds and trust will form over the raking of leaves.

9.   Make rules, and enforce them consistently. Rules keep kids safe, teach them right from wrong, and civilize them. Make sure your child understands the rules, and every single adult in his life needs to enforce every rule each and every time, the first time it is broken. No “warnings,” because you made sure ahead of time that they understood the rule. Decide what the consequence will be for a broken rule long before you need to do it; make the punishment appropriate for the crime (timeout? loss of the toy? paying for the damage?).

8.   Feed my munchkin a healthy diet: whole foods that look like they either grew out of the ground or walked on it (I know, but not everyone is a vegetarian). Teach your children to eat when they’re hungry, and stop eating when they’re not hungry anymore. Aim for about half fruits and vegies and about half protein (meat, eggs, cheese, beans or nuts) and starch (potatoes, bread, pasta, corn). Everything else will be easier if they are well nourished.

7.   Keep a regular sleep schedule – both enough hours and at about the same time every day – as much as possible. Kids who are short on sleep are irritable, tired and have no attention span. Everything else will be easier if he or she has had enough sleep.

6.   Keep them safe when I can. There are lots of surprises out there to keep life interesting; there is no need to risk the preventable injuries. Use those seat belts and bike helmets, lock up the household poisons, guns and Grandma’s meds, and get those vaccines.

5.   Teach financial responsibility. Spend less than you make, stay out of debt, and save for the future. Do it where they can see you and explain what you are doing. Go through your budget with them in an age appropriate way, and feel free to say, “We can’t afford that.” Give them an allowance for those chores and require that they save some.

4.   Not wear blinders. Your primary job is to protect this child, even if it is sometimes from themselves. Children will lie, take things that are not theirs, and sneak out at night when they are 14. You need to catch them so that they learn that it doesn’t work. If they get caught stealing at 7, they have an embarrassing memory of having to go back and pay for what they took. If they get caught at 25, they land in jail and loose their job, partner, and children.

3.   Give them love without condition the child you have, not the one you dreamed they would be. Love is not a prize you can give when your child is good, and take away when they do not live up to your expectations. Without the absolute faith that no matter what happens or what horrible thing they do you will still love them, the foundation on which they build their life will by shaky and unstable. You chose to have them; unconditional love was part of the deal.

2.   Nurture my child’s unique talents and abilities; don’t try to fit the ones you want them to have on their unsuitable frame. This little person is an original – why would you want to shove him or her into a standard form? And what irreplaceable gifts would be forever lost because you did not value them? Respect the exceptional person that he or she is.

1.   Inspire them with myown life. Be what you hope for them. Find work you love, maintain a healthy relationship with your partner, eat a healthy diet, and exercise. Learn something new every day. Never lie. Give respect, and demand it for yourself. Keep an open mind, explore the world and grab opportunities when they happen by. Make your children proud.

Top Ten Holiday Poisonings

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Cute kid girl in glasses thinking about gift on Christmas holiday. Vintage portrait

or, “how to avoid visiting the Doc during the Holidays”:

  1. Tiny magnets: These aren’t really poisonous but they can get stuck in noses and ears, choked on or swallowed. Keep track of the big kid’s toys so I don’t have to make the little one cry digging something out of his or her ear. Worse, magnets that are choked on or swallowed can require surgery to remove. Two magnets in the gut will stick to each other and wear through the bowel wall.
  2. Button batteries: Same problems as above, plus they can leak and cause burns, eating holes through the bowel that can be fatal.
  3. Grandma’s meds: These are on countertop at her home, and sitting in her unattended purse when she is visiting yours. This is the most common poisoning that I see. Other people’s meds also count, of course.
  4. Household poisons: Both the usual suspects (cleaning products, bug sprays) and the holiday specific (liquid fuels) are more available and less monitored in the holiday craziness. Lock ’em up.
  5. Food: Avoid potato salad that was made on the counter where they just cleaned the chicken. Return leftover food to the refrigrerator quickly. Wash those hands! Pick up and throw out unfinished drinks–kids can drop their blood sugar and fall into a coma with a relatively small amount of alcohol. Throw away cigarette butts, because kids eat them and the poisons in cigarettes can actually throw small people into a seizure. (And we inhale these things on purpose. Blech.) Add e-cigarette refills to this list for the last couple of years. 1/2 tsp can kill a child.
  6. Decorations: It’s actually pretty hard to poison anybody with holiday décor. Antique items will sometimes have lead, so don’t let the little guy eat the metalics. Don’t breath in the spray snow, because it has either acetone or methylene chloride in it. And don’t hit Uncle Joe with that branch, no matter how tempting….
  7. Plants: Poinsettias are not poisonous. Promise. Neither is Christmas cactus. Holly berries, mistletoe berries and peace lily berries are, as are bittersweet and boxwood.
  8. Smoke and carbon monoxide: Very poisonous. Live trees and decorations can be dry and fires, candles and space heaters abound. Keep your eyes open and your smoke and carbon monoxide detector batteries fresh.
  9. Mind numbing toys: Boycott toys that don’t engage your children’s minds. Look for toys that they can create with, explore with, or build with. I know this is not strictly a poison, but it’s my list, so I can bend the rules. So,…
  10. Poisonous soul numbing holiday insanity: Back up and take a breath before you spend money you don’t have on stuff you don’t need. Defeat stress and exhaustion with a healthy diet, exercise and regular sleep. Celebrate your heritage, enjoy your family and friends and create joyful memories. Ditch the rest.

Just a Cold? Or is it the Flu?

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sick kid-01Any given year, between 5% and 20% of the US population will catch the flu.

Influenza, or the flu, is a virus spread in tiny drops of fluid that an infected person has sneezed or coughed out. Your children can inhale these, or rub droplets contacted from surfaces–or other people–onto their eyes, nose, or mouth. After a 1-4 day incubation period, your child becomes sick.

The initial symptoms of flu include a sudden, high spiking fever, chills, headache, tiredness, and body aches. From there it progresses through sore throat and congestion. Symptoms generally last about ten days, with the worst occurring during the first three days.

Children can be sick for longer than adults, and have more complications.

Complications of the flu commonly include things like pneumonia, ear infections, and sinusitis. Less common complications include fever seizures, encephalopathy, inflammation of the heart, and death.

Serious complications are more common in children with underlying health conditions, but even healthy children can become severely ill. During the 2014-2015 season, more than 145 children died, and more than 200,000 kids were hospitalized with flu complications. Generally about 43% of hospitalized kids have no predisposing health problems.

Children at the highest risk are those with underlying conditions like asthma, a compromised immune system (cancer, HIV/AIDS…), or with chronic diseases (diabetes, seizures…) Also at risk are babies under six months of age, who are not yet old enough to get the vaccine and whose immune systems are not yet adult sized.

We try to make sure high risk kids get their vaccines if they can, but we rely on other people to also get their vaccines to “cocoon” these kids so that they are not exposed. If parents, chid care providers, and the other kids in daycare get their flu shots, then chances are that the cute little baby with heart disease will not catch the flu.

Vaccines rule. Preventing disease is always better and safer than trying to treat it once a child is sick.

Flu vaccines come in two types–shot and inhaled mist. The shot is a dead virus, the inhaled mist is a live attenuated (very weak) virus. Neither can give you the flu or make your child autistic. Since we give the vaccine in the midst of cold and flu season, some people are bound to become ill in the weeks after they get it. It is easy to blame the vaccine. The shot can make your arm red and sore; the mist, since it is live, can give you a mild stuffy nose and a low grade fever. So much better than what the actual flu can do!

Last, what should you do if your child does catch the flu? If he or she has any underlying health conditions or is under two years old, call your doc. We have antiviral meds that, while they taste horrible and are not completely effective, do help.

Then, just like when they have a cold, make them rest, push any sort of fluid they will drink, and treat the symptoms. Ibuprofen will generally work better for the body aches and headaches than acetaminophen. Salt water drops or sprays work for stuffy noses, and for kids over four, cold and cough medicines will help them feel better.

Keep them home, because they are contagious. Adults are contagious for about 5-7 days; kids can be contagious for more than 10 days. Both can be contagious about a day before they have any signs of illness.

Call your doc if your child has any breathing problems, lethargy, fever that persists for more than three days, or isn’t starting to get better after the first few days. Or just if you want to. That’s what we’re here for.

 

 

 

How to Survive and Have a Joyous Holiday

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Cute Kid Girl In Glasses Thinking About Gift On Christmas Holida

My daughter the anthropologist tells me that celebrations solidify relationships between people within a community, give them hope for the future, and serve as rights of passage.

With the holidays approaching, give thought to what you want this special season to mean to your children throughout their lives.

Keep that firmly in mind when you enter into the fray.

Want them to be involved in your community with its rich heritage and history? Emphasize that. Tell stories, act out events and celebrate your history. Help out people who are less fortunate.

Want holidays to strengthen family bonds? Put family first. Limit the decorating and shopping and work events, and hang out at home. Make gifts for each other, bake cookies and play games.

If you want holidays to be about joy, be joyful. Foster realistic expectations, appreciation for what they have and genuine values. Develop traditions that are more about time together as a family and less about how much stuff they get. The memories they keep forever will be the little things: sharing a bowl of popcorn while watching an old movie; reading a book while Mom or Dad runs fingers through their hair. Few people remember what they received for Christmas last year. They do remember that walk on Christmas Eve admiring the sparkling lights, tasting cookies straight out of the oven, and the look on Grandpa’s face when he got that homemade penholder.

Gifts

It’s tempting to get your children all the things they want for the holiday just to see them smile, but where do you go from there? Maniacal happiness is not joy. It cannot be sustained over time. Add to that that you have created unrealistic expectations for all the other holidays in their future. And the storage needs!

Restrain yourself. If holidays are about family time, board games, and baking cookies it is possible for holidays later in life to be happy. If holidays are about how much money was spent and how many new toys they received, how can real life ever work out? Bigger and better toys every year? That was not the goal.

If you can afford it, get them one or two of the things on their lists. Make them the ones they can create with, the ones that make them use their brains and bodies and talent. Add on some little things that are fun to open. Let little ones play with the boxes and bubble wrap. Then focus the day on family and love.

The Insanity

Don’t let holidays overwhelm you. There are so many expectations that no one can possibly meet them all and have any joy left. There are special foods that need to be prepared, special clothes that need to be bought, decorations, gifts, traditions to be followed, parties, travel, family… eeek! Weed out the excess so there is room left for joy, relaxation and rejoicing in whatever you were celebrating.

Before you decide to spend money on gifts or travel, be realistic about what you can afford. What did you get for your last birthday? Don’t remember? No one does. What people do remember is the conversation, the hugs and the warmth. Those are free. Take dollars out of the experience as much as possible and you won’t end up with a credit card bill for a present that was discarded six months ago. Don’t try to keep up with the people who have that bill and you won’t be laying awake at night and fighting with your spouse instead of relaxing snuggled up with hot chocolate.

Tune down the stress. Not spending more than you can afford will eliminate a huge amount of stress. Next, stop worrying about what other people think; they’re too busy worrying about what you think to care anyway. Keep to routines as much as possible. Sit down for meals; take some time to focus on each other. Step back from the hysteria and think about whether your progeny will actually play with that new doll or just stuff it in a corner, and whether you really need to travel or attend all the parties. Take some quiet time and relax. The world will not collapse if you skip a party or miss the line for the “it” gift. It will collapse if your child is so exhausted and stressed that he or she has a melt down.

                                                                       Health

Keep healthy. The week after a holiday is always busy at my office. I make lots of money from airplanes crowded with sick people and stores packed with germy carts. Get enough rest, and hydrate. Use hand sanitizer. Eat as healthfully as possible–avoid fast foods, throw in some fruits and vegies. Hide the caffeine and limit alcohol. Get a flu shot. Nothing can destroy a holiday quicker than a trip to the ER.

Avoid injuries. Most holiday injuries have nothing to do with the particular holiday, but everything to do with people being so busy that they are not as watchful as usual. Sports are more dangerous when we want to impress cousins. Teenagers tend to get more reckless during a celebration, and young children sneak away quickly. Most holiday injuries are from everyday activities and household objects made dangerous by the holiday craziness.

Chokings and poisonings are popular. The one I see most is an overdose on Grandma’s meds. At Grandma’s home they are left on countertops; at your home they are in her purse. A left over drink is a common way to poison children. A little alcohol can drop a child’s blood sugar and throw him or her into a coma.

Toddlers will put anything in their mouths. Unfortunately this means that everybody needs to pick up their stuff. Items over 1¼ inch in diameter are generally safe. Smaller items than that can go straight into their gut or lung. The most dangerous items to swallow are batteries and magnets; the most dangerous to choke on are grape sized (older children’s toys, hard candy) or stretchy (balloons, plastic bags, marshmallows). Clean up!

Holidays also provide a banquet of things to irritate children’s allergies. Live trees indoors, foods, cigarette smoke, wood fires and other people’s homes and pets come to mind. Avoid them if your child has allergies.

Fires and electrical injuries are especially common during holidays. Decorations can be flammable, old Christmas trees will be dry, and space heaters, candles and fires are commonly nearby. Frayed and loose wires easily start fires. Keep your eyes open for dangers.

Use your common sense during celebrations. If it doesn’t seem safe, don’t let people pressure you into it. Feel free to let watching your kids take precedence over seeing Uncle Joe’s trophy or Aunt Mary’s vacation photos. “He’ll be fine” doesn’t make him fine. Keep an eye on him, or her.

Feel free to be rude and head for home when the kids get tired, if a situation feels out of control, or if your child is being exposed to something you aren’t happy with. Use the munchkin’s youth or fatigue as the excuse for you to head home, relax and read a bedtime story.

Remember that the point of celebrations is to solidify relationships and give hope for the future. Get there by focusing on your history, rejoicing in your present and not sabotaging your future. Don’t go crazy with gifts: they don’t teach your children anything you want them to learn and the financial stress will eat away at that joy and hope you were dreaming of. Pick fewer things to do, and do them together. Be safe and stay healthy.

Top Ten Reasons to Never Lie to Children

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A small boy playing

Every time I say, “Never lie to your kids,” someone responds with, “What about Santa, and the Easter Bunny? What about playing pretend?” I sometimes think people like to stir things up, and create difficulties where there are none.

Lies and fantasy are not the same thing, and we know that when we are not trying to be obtuse. Lies are ugly. Lies are self-serving, meant to gain an advantage for the liar. Lies hurt, and cause damage and resentment. Everyone has, at some point in their lives, been hurt by a lie. Remember that feeling, because it is not something we wish for our progeny.

There is a real difference between lies and pretend. Pretend is a game everyone has agreed to play. No one was ever hurt by being brought into the club to help keep the secret of Santa.

The other side of the coin is that well meaning parents want to protect their kids from some of the less magical aspects of life, and lie in order to guard their child’s innocence and happiness. We forget that there is a price tag on the lie that will come due when it is found out. The result of “Sure we can afford that toy,” and “Grandma just went on a long trip,” is a lack of trust, and panic when Aunt Judy goes on her next trip.

The solution to this is simple. Don’t tell them things you don’t want them to know. Tell them they are too young, or you’ll have to think about that, or just “No.”

Don’t lie. Because…

  1. …you’ll get caught. You have to keep track of all of your lies; your munchkin only has to remember what you said. You are the most important person in their lives. They watch you and pay attention. They will notice.
  2. …you don’t want your child to lie to you, and fair is fair.
  3. …kids incorporate anything a parent does into their own self image. If their parent is a liar, then so must they be.
  4. …they need to trust you on matters of safety. If you have never lied to them they will know you are telling the truth when you say, “drugs are dangerous,” or “random sex will hurt you.”
  5. …kids thrive when they feel secure. They need to know they can count on their parents, and have a safe base from which to launch their lives. Lies will erode that security.
  6. …it is much easier to have self respect, and take pride one’s accomplishments, when one has honestly accomplished them. As you go, so will they follow.
  7. …you want your children to succeed in both their work and their relationships; a habit of honesty will help in both.
  8. …the respect of your children must be earned, not granted as an automatic part of being a parent. Lying tarnishes that respect.
  9. …when they see you deserving of and expecting respect as an honest, trustworthy person, so will they demand respect in their own lives and relationships.
  10. …last, they can trust that they are wonderful and capable of anything, because you told them so, and you never lie.

The Egg Came First, Of Course!

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Family remodeling house. Home remodel and renovation. Kids painting walls with colorful brush and roller. Children paint wall. Choice of bright color on sample palette for child nursery or kid room.

So, I’ll admit it. I truly do not understand that whole man/woman inequality thing. I don’t get why it exists. It’s like the chicken and the egg to me, which came first? It’s obvious: the egg. Something that was almost a chicken laid an egg that had a new mutation, and voila–a chicken! So simple, just a matter of definition, of where we draw that line.

Why is it not just as obvious to everyone that men and women are equal? Each has 46 chromosomes and the same arrangement of muscles and bones. Both have a brain, a heart, two arms, two legs.

How could a lesser being get together with a greater being and create a child? Part of two equals have to make that whole.

And yet we endlessly insist that they are not equal. We focus on what differences we can find and weigh them on an scale created from self interest, history and desire. Men are bigger, stronger, and have more muscle, so they are better! Women can bear life, so they are better!

We write off young women because they are girls, and sexy, and we judge them on that; we ignore old women because they are old, not sexy, and are thus useless. We walk on, satisfied with our actions because we have put them in their slot; it is settled. Women are less, because sex defines them.  We must allow them to be defined by their sex or they pose a threat to the status quo. She can’t be president, she might push the button when she has PMS!

Whole human beings are reduced to their sexuality because it orders the world and makes it easier to find and understand our place.

In the same way young men are written off when they are not big, athletic; old men are written off when they do not have money, a fancy car. If they do not conform, they must be derided, snickered at, because of society’s obsession with macho manliness and wealth.

These prejudices do none of us any good. If we win and convince ourselves that we are better than one person, the flip side is that we will be judged as less than someone else. Do we really want that?

At some point, if this is ever to improve and we are not to endlessly churn out damaged adults with sad relationships who in turn damage their children, we have to evolve to the point where we know, to the depths of our souls, that all humans are equally valuable. All talents are to be prized. All life is sacred.

We all want the same things in life: to love and be loved, to have a safe haven to go home to, to have work that inspires us. We have so much about us that is the same, yet we constantly focus on our differences.

Where does this need to compare and compete, to constantly evaluate and judge, come from? Is it hard wired into our animal DNA, or is it something our human brains can overcome?

Why do we need to write anyone off or judge ourselves against others? Why do we subject ourselves, let alone total strangers, to valuation by our obsessions and insecurities? One part of a person is not the whole; the one hue we individually consider important cannot stamp a whole human being with a value, like a price tag, ignoring the rest of the color spectrum.

It is time that we embrace the whole of the human spectrum, and take joy in our evolution. Each person–man/woman, tall/short, intelligent/talented/mechanical/weird–has equal value, is deserving of equal respect, and can be loved and appreciated as they are.

Why live a life that has already been lived, outlined by the generations who lived before? Grasp change; reach deep into your own unique soul and create something new. Then allow your neighbor, workmate, and child to do the same.

Charleston: Let’s Not Let Roof Win

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Change- just aheadDylann Roof did not murder nine people at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston only because they were Black; he murdered them because he was a criminally insane psychopath.

Blaming their deaths on their race reeks to me of blaming the victim. We did not blame the kids at Sandy Hook; we do not blame rape victims. We did not tell the grieving relatives in Colorado that their loved ones died because they went to a movie. We told them that James Holmes was a criminal psychopath.

Yes, this particular psychopath had craziness is his head that focused on Black Americans. His brain was irreparably diseased. It is horrible that no-one noticed. It is worse that he was allowed to buy a gun. It is a nightmare that will never end for the families and friends of the people he killed.

But if we feed into his insanity we are giving him jurisdiction over our thoughts. Buying into his “I had no choice, I did it because they were Black,” adds weight to racial division that is already at an explosive level. He wanted to start a racial war: feeding into that is allowing him to win, and giving credit to his insanity.

The traditional description of psycopathology involves lack of empathy, lack of normal fear, and no impulse control. These people don’t care about anyone other than themselves: no one else is real to them. They are unable to comprehend danger to themselves. Their impulse control never develops: imagine a 2 year old who has a toy taken away, who immediately lunges to take it back, hitting the other child. Normal adults mature and learn to control their impulses, learn that other people matter. These people never do.

Psychopaths choose their targets based on the craziness circling in their brains. The victims themselves are completely innocent. If we say that they were killed purely because of White on Black racism we are treating Roof as if his thoughts are worth our consideration. They are not.

Horror, grief and anger may push us toward blowing this up, expanding it so that it includes other white men, or all white people, or even all people of any race other than Black.

That is what he wanted.

All young men are not child killers because one chose to murder at Sandy Hook; all men are not rapists because some rape; all parents are not child abusers because some beat their children. These murders could justifiably feed righteous anger and increase racial tensions, but in the end more anger can only bring more injury and death.

Healing will not happen through hatred. Hatred breeds more hatred – it knows no other path. Tolerance and consideration breed understanding; respect breeds respect; time heals.

We cannot feed evil, or it will thrive. His craziness is your endpoint if you allow yourself to hate.

If we want justice for the lives that are lost, and to find some grace in their deaths, we must use it to put an end to racial bigotry. Do the opposite of what he wanted. Say Enough.

The Rashes of Summer

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skateboarder-01When the days warm up, pediatric offices see a lot of summer skin problems. Kids aren’t often ill during the summer, but they do get sunburns, bites, jellyfish stings, and rashes.

Sunburn

No one thinks about sunscreen on that first glorious sunshiny day, so sunburns are usually our first evidence that summer is here. Remember to use sunscreen, of course, and don’t forget to reapply it every hour.

If your child does burn, give ibuprofen immediately – it helps with the inflammation and can actually reduce the depth of injury. Use aloe generously: it lessens the pain, moisturizes the skin, and helps heal the damage. If the burn is bad, call your doctor. Prescription steroids and burn creams will help.

Bug Bites

Bug bites are also very popular in the summer, from mosquitos, fire ants, yellow flies, and fleas. Insects inject toxins into children’s skin when they bite; how much a particular child reacts depends on how sensitive he or she is.

Cover up little arms and legs when you can, especially if you are going to be outdoors around twilight. There are excellent clothing treatments available that will keep bugs away and last through several washings, protecting your child indirectly.

If your child is older than 2 months, use insect repellant with DEET on exposed skin, even though it’s nasty. It works and it’s a whole lot better than getting insect borne encephalitis. 10% DEET lasts about 2 hours; 30% lasts about 5 hours. Don’t use anything stronger than 30% on a child. Don’t reapply in the same day, and do wash it off when you go back inside.

Creams with pramoxine or calamine will help with itchiness. Cortisone creams help itch and also swelling and redness, but can only be used a couple of times a day. If there are lots of bites, an antihistamine by mouth will also help with swelling and itch.

Never use antihistamine creams (benadryl is the most common), because children can react to the topical antihistamine and actually get worse instead of better.

Bee stings

Bee and wasp stings are treated much the same way, after making sure to remove the stinger and apply a cool compress (and yes, Grandma’s idea about the wet mud does help).

Poison ivy, oak, and sumac

If your child is a forest dweller, he or she will at some point get poison ivy, oak or sumac. These plants produce a poison called urushiol in their sap and leaves, causing redness, itch and blistering.

The severity of this reaction also varies depending on your munchkin’s sensitivity. My brother’s eyes would swell shut if someone burnt it a block away; I could pull it up and throw it away with no reaction.

Wash both the child and his or her clothes as soon as possible. No lounging on the furniture! The toxin can stay on surfaces for months. Once the toxin is either absorbed into the skin or washed off, the rash is no longer contagious. Blister fluid does not contain urushiol.

The rash will develop first where the most toxin was deposited, in streaks and patches. It can spread for a week or so to the areas where less toxin landed, then take another two weeks to clear.

If the rash is mild, you can treat it at home with cool compresses, baking soda or oatmeal baths, the same creams you used for those pesky bug bites, and that antihistamine by mouth. See? Grandma was right again.

If the rash is not mild, or your child has it on their face, around their eyes, or on their genitals (and how did that plant get there?) call your doc. We can put them on steroids, which help enormously.

Jellyfish stings

If you harbor a small mermaid or man in your home, she or he may get stung by a jellyfish. There are some extremely dangerous jellyfish, so if your child has any trouble breathing, is weak or nauseated, has pain away from the sting, or has sweating, cramping, or diarrhea, call your doctor immediately.

If it is a simple sting, first remove the barbs by scraping it with a towel or a credit card. Don’t rub. Put suntan oil or salt water and hot sand on the sting; heat will deactivate the poison.

Do NOT wash the sting with fresh water – it will make the nematocysts (poison sacks) explode and release more poison into the skin. Your child will scream and not love you anymore. Put only fluids with lots of particles in them on the sting: sting-away, vinegar or steak sauce, for example. Ibuprofen will also help the pain and inflammation.

Allergic rashes

Last, we see allergic reactions to everything from sunscreen to henna tattoos to jewelry to pool chemicals from fun in the sun. Kids with sensitive skin or eczema will rash out in the summer from the heat, humidity and sweat.

By now you can probably sense a common theme (or you could just ask Grandma): give your itchy red bumpy child a cool bath with mild soap. Moisturize and apply topical steroids or give antihistamines by mouth.

If any of this doesn’t work, call me! It gets lonely in a pediatric office during the summer when all the kids are healthy.

Ten Tips from the Doc: Summer Vacation Success

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skateboarder-01School’s out! Time for the Family Vacation. So how do you have fun without going insane? I, of course, have my top ten!

10. Pack a simple medicine kit: don’t waste a day of vacation at the doctor’s office, refilling the prescription you forgot at home. Take:

  • any prescription meds your child sometimes needs, even if they haven’t used them in a while (asthma and allergy meds come to mind)
  • frequently used over-the-counter stuff: acetaminophen or ibuprofen, an antihistamine, insect repellant with DEET (the other stuff really doesn’t work, and insect borne encephalitis is unpleasant), sunscreen, and hand sanitizer
  • basic first aid supplies (band aids, gauze pads, tape, antibiotic ointment, cortisone cream, alcohol, tweezers, scissors, thermometer)

9.  Write out a budget before you go. I know, I am a fun sucker, but it has to be done. Know how much money you have and where you plan to spend it. Give the kids an allowance for souvenirs. They will be more careful with money they consider their own, and they will not be constantly asking for things. “Can I have that?” can be answered with “Sure, it’s your money. But are you positive that is where you want to spend it? There might be something better later…” Also, knowing how much you yourself have to spend will save you stress and regret later.

8.  Keep to healthy foods most of the time. (Here I go, sucking out the fun again!) Kids will have more energy, feel better and have a better attitude if they are nourished. And it’s cheaper. Have a basket of fruit available, some whole grain crackers, cheese, peanut butter, popcorn – food with nutrients. Don’t waste valuable vacation time sitting in the drive thru line and arguing over food.

7.  Keep to established routines when you can. Bring along a book for that bedtime story, keep bed time the same, set aside time for their bath. Kids don’t always deal well with change, and vacations are all about change. A few familiar routines will help them feel less stressed. And a full night’s sleep is an absolute necessity if you don’t want an emotional wreck for a kid.

6.  Keep an eye on the little ones. You are in a different environment with new dangers. Distractions abound. Kids on vacation get lost, or get into Grandma’s meds or the local pool. Check out my summer safety tips.

5.  Find interesting things to keep their brains busy. Bored kids whine, and then they find their own version of interesting things. Have a stock of books, games and videos for the car. Bring a journal for them to write in, and art supplies. Explore the area you travel to – Google it before you go. See the sights, hit the museums, find the local artists and craftsmen. Check out ideas to abolish summer boredom.

4.  Keep your own mind open to new and different ways of doing things, so that your kids will do the same. Kids internalize their parent’s judgments, and they will close down their minds and wipe possibilities out of their lives if that is the example you set.

3.  Keep them physically active as well. A tired kid is less stressed, sleeps better, and is not sitting around thinking of ways to get into trouble.

2.  Keep stress to a minimum. Use a GPS if you’re driving: arguments with the navigator have ruined many a vacation. Keep your expectations in line with the actual possibilities, to avoid disapointment. Don’t overschedule – leave time for that relaxing hike and to have a conversation over dinner. Stay within your budget – your hindbrain will know you are overspending and your stress will mount. Stressed out people snap at each other and cannot enjoy time or family.

1.  Align your vacation with your priorities, then toss out the rest. What are the goals of this vacation? Relaxation, family time, memories, enrichment, joy? Plan the vacation and activities that will get you there, and don’t let exhaustion, stress, and fear get in your way. Don’t stop at Uncle Joe’s house if you know he will stress you out; don’t vacation with those friends who overspend or forget to pay their half of the bill. Don’t worry if the kids are getting dirty or if your Aunt Judy wouldn’t approve. Just say no, open up, and relax.

And have a fantastic vacation!