5 Reasons Why Kids Need Rules, and How Need Decides What Rules Should Be

toddler with toy-01Random rules are bad.

How would you like it if you were strolling innocently down the street and were attested because the police decided to make the wearing of blue against the law on Tuesdays?

Kids are new. They don’t yet know what may seem obvious to us. They are not born knowing that when the ground turns from green to black suddenly big cars can come at them at high speeds. They don’t know that they are not supposed to just grab a toy they like or bite somebody that makes them mad, until you tell them so.

Chaos and disaster happen without rules. But they need to be good rules! Grown-ups need to consciously think about the rules that they make, agree on them, explain them to the kids, and enforce them.

Last week’s blog was about how a child’s age and development affect discipline. This week is devoted to figuring out what those rules should be.

Rules are important; allocate some serious time and thought to creating them. What do you want to accomplish? You don’t want your future teen to get in fights, so no hitting. You don’t want the parent of your future grandchildren to be dishonest, so no lying. Write the resultant rules down. Make a contract with your partner to enforce each and every rule, every time. Let grandparents and babysitters in on the plan, because discipline problems are usually caused by a caregiver’s misbehavior at least as much as the child’s.

This process will, of course, involve some compromise. No two people will ever agree on the necessity or fairness of every rule. To reach a sensible compromise, think about why we make rules in the first place.

Guidelines for Making Rules:

  • First, we make rules to keep our children safe. The easy ones are obvious: don’t play in the busy street, wear your seatbelt and bike helmet, don’t play with matches. Safety rules get more nebulous as your child gets older, though: never talk to strangers, no going on camping trips with people we don’t know,  no driving friends around because you’re still a new driver. It’s important when making rules to talk to your kids, think about the risks, and don’t compromise on safety.
  • We make rules to help teach children right from wrong. The basics are, again, obvious: no stealing, no lying, and no cheating in school. Others are more nebulous and can vary with culture, religion, and personal preference. The No hitting girls rule comes to mind. Why just girls? What if they’re bigger than you? What if they hit first – can you protect yourself? What about the No eating pork rule, or No working on Sundays? Many rules are religion or culture based, and with today’s mixing of cultures, will have to be discussed beforehand.
  • We make rules so that our children will learn self-control. We place the external framework around them and, over time, it will be internalized. Consider the No cursing rule, for example. A curse word is just a combination of sounds. There is no safety issue at stake here, no inherent nature of right or wrong. But if kids don’t learn that cursing is not acceptable, it will affect the way people see them. Teachers will not be happy with them, because cursing is inappropriate at school. They might lose friends. In the end, it could even limit their job prospects. So, if for no other reason than the norms and expectations of society, children need to learn to control their speech.
  • A framework of rules will teach your child self-reliance. If they understand the rules, they knows what to do in a given situation. Imagine a child who has not been taught basic table manners. When he is invited to a friend’s home for dinner, he will be confused and scared, and he may act out because he feels out of place or stupid. But if, instead, he knows what behavior is expected of him, he can count on his own abilities to get him through.
  • Rules provide the safe, structured environment in which a child can thrive. Painting must be done on the kitchen table translates to your child as, “I can paint on the kitchen table and not get in any trouble for the mess!” Saying You must do your homework signifies that you care about your child and want him to do well in school. Saying You have to wear your seatbelt means that you love him more than life and would die if he were hurt. Kids will roll their eyes at you, but they really do want you to care and keep them safe.

I find it amazing that children actually obey rules set down by their parents, especially when they become older, and sometimes much larger, than said parent. The reason they do becomes apparent when you look at the kids who do not obey their parents’ rules. It is a matter of simple respect and love. If you want to be able to say, “Stop!” to the sixteen year old headed for the door with the car keys and have him actually stop, he has to know you love him and you have to have earned his respect.

Kids cannot be expected to respect their parents simply because they are the Parents, any more than you would respect your boss simply because he or she has a job title.  A child’s respect is earned with unconditional love, dependability, and honesty. If the relationship is solid, kids will want their parents respect and approval – a very good thing as they get older, more independent, and our of your control.

Now that we know what rules we think matter enough to enforce (don’t even think about making a rule you aren’t going to enforce!), how do we go about enforcing them? Tune in next week, of course!

To Each Their Own… Rules Custom Fit to Every Age Child

kidsfightingChildren may look sweet, but in reality they are cute little barbarians, and it is our job to civilize them. Their brains are not tiny adult brains. They start out with little more than primitive reflexes (breathe, cry, wave my arms around when I’m startled), wander through childhood and adolescence (when they really can’t see the long term consequences of their actions), and don’t actually think like adults until, well, they’re adults.

At all these ages parents have to take into account their child’s personal style, intelligence, and talents when they make rules, but there are developmental stages that are universal, and understanding them will help a parent better resolve problems.

When babies are newborn, they can focus their vision well at about a foot away—just the distance of your face when you are holding them. They look at everything, learning at an unimaginable rate. By two months they recognize a smile and smile back. By four months, they will recognize your voice. Their thoughts aren’t well organized enough to allow them to become spoiled until about six months – so no, you can’t spoil them by holding them all the time. You also won’t do them vast harm if you need to put them down for a while.

At about nine months, they start to recognize words—“no” is generally one of the first. In baby language “no” means, “Smile at the parental units and keep doing what I’m doing. They will come play!” Saying it louder will only make them cry in confusion. Go over, distract them, and take away whatever they shouldn’t be playing with.

Curiosity rules for the first few years, and we want this. Babies look at and touch everything, often while putting everything in their mouths. They explore and, consequently, learn. Your job is to let them explore while keeping them safe. This is a lot easier to do by baby-proofing your house than by saying no every minute or two. Put all of the breakables out of reach, tuck away the electric cords, add padding to some of the more solid objects, and block off the stairs so you don’t have to follow Baby around all day. She’s not going to fully understand rules now anyway.

Between eighteen months and two years, most kids can begin to understand some rudimentary rules. Keep them simple, please—no complex commands. Saying, “You can’t play with that because Mommy needs it for work tomorrow” will elicit a blank stare. “No going near the road”  is more their size. Of course, they will do it anyway because they’re new at this whole rule thing—and because they finally have some control over their arms and legs, and there is neat stuff to play with. When Mommy or Daddy stops them, it’s terrible! The universe just ended! Tantrum Time!

Two year olds live at the center of their own universe; everything and everyone exists just for them. This can be seriously confusing for them when things don’t go their way. They really cannot understand why they can’t have and do what they want, because the world is theirs. They also have no idea how to regulate their emotions. We they are angry, they are consumed by that anger. Sadness is world destroying. Disciplining a two year old is aimed at teaching them to not hurt other people and to regulate their emotions. This is where the No biting and No kicking come in, along with the You can sit in your room alone until you can stop screaming.

Three and four year olds are still learning to modulate their emotions, but are also developing self-sufficiency… and opinions. Discipline at this age is mostly about consistency and endless repetition. They do know they can’t take that juice away from the table, but they think that maybe this time they will get away with it. At this age we want to reinforce the fact that bad behavior never gets you what you want. That juice is gone.

Enter the kindergartener. Have you ever noticed that most kindergarten teachers are young? They burn out quick. This is the age when kids start to learn about responsibility, and to feel guilt when they mess up. We make sure they understand the rules, remind them when they might bump into one, and enforce discipline immediately when they break one. At this age rewards work remarkably well, because kids are learning to feel pride when they do well.

The grade school years are your reward for making it through. Kids are very logical, not extremely emotional, and are focused more on learning and developing their skills and talents. They also at this age learn to deal with their failures, to discipline themselves  within their own internal framework of right and wrong. Where a kindergartener might hit another child and then feel bad, we want our third grader to feel like hitting another child but stop themselves.

Drum roll please… Adolescence. During these years teens break down and replace large portions of of their brains – the part would have given them a view of the future and the long term consequences of their actions, had it been there. They can be very impulsive and sometimes indulge in very risky behavior. Parenting in adolescence mainly consists of making sure they get enough sleep (a sleep deprived teen brain is a scary thing), keeping them alive, and protecting them from mistakes that will follow them forever. The most effective way to do this is to stay involved in their lives (even when they don’t want you to), know where they are and what they are doing, and keep communication open.  Discipline at this age is largely making sure they take responsibility for their actions because after adolescence you won’t be there to rescue them. Don’t save them from the small stuff (flunking grades) but make sure to protect them from the biggies (drugs, pregnancy, death).

The goal of discipline at any age is not to punish the child, but rather to  raise an inspired, responsible, self-reliant adult. Keep the long term in mind when you seem to be disciplining the exact same infraction over and over: you’re not aiming for a well behaved 2 year old or a teen who never screws up. You’re aiming for an amazing adult.

Want more specifics on how to make which rules? Come back next week!

 

The Gluten Free Blog

I recently heard some very strange theories about gluten. wheat-01Reminiscent of the telephone game we played as children, whispering into each other’s ears down a line, what people hear at the end is very different from the reality spoken at the beginning. Let’s clear up some confusion.

Our ancestors survived in no small part due to the development of cultivated grasses: the seeds of grasses are high in carbohydrates for energy, protein for strong muscles, and fiber for bowel function. They contain iron, B vitamins, zinc, and magnesium. They could be dried and stored, so groups of people could stay in one place and survive the winter. Worldwide throughout history, every culture has developed some sort of grain based food as a staple, from bread to flatbread, corn tortillas to rice.

Gluten is the protein found in wheat, spelt, barley, and rye grains. It gives elasticity to bread dough so that it can rise and maintain its shape and chewiness. Gluten is pervasive in our foods: it is in breads, pastas and cereals, is added into low protein foods to improve their nutritional value, and is present in everything from ketchup to soy sauce to beer. It is even in our cosmetics, hair and skin products.

Our bodies use the amino acids that make up gluten to build our muscles and everything from our fingernails to the cartilage in our noses; to make our immune system work so it can fight off disease; to communicate within our bodies; to carry oxygen through our bloodstreams; even to make sperm able to swim so the next generation can be born. We cannot make all of these amino acids ourselves, so we have to ingest them. Whole grains are an excellent source.

Since whole grains contain so many nutrients and have such fantastic health benefits, and since avoiding gluten is both inconvenient and expensive, let’s make sure living gluten free makes sense, before we commit.

Celiac disease is the condition we worry about with gluten. It is caused by an immune reaction to the gluten protein: it acts as an allergen in genetically predisposed people, like pollen to people with hay fever. It is most common in the Saharawi in the Western Sahara and Spain. In the US, about 7 in 1000 people have it. It is programmed into the DNA of affected people, inherited from their ancestors, like having blue eyes or brown hair. The inheritance is complex, with many genes contributing, so the disease has a variety of presentations. Children most typically present between 6 months and 2 years of age with weight loss, diarrhea, muscle wasting and abdominal distention. Some less common presentations include:

  • Iron deficiency anemia
  • Poor growth
  • Delayed puberty, infertility
  • Itchy bumps on the elbows, knees, and buttocks
  • Mouth ulcers
  • Arthritis
  • Chronic tiredness
  • Behavioral problems, depression
  • Headaches
  • Weak, thin bones with frequent fractures

It is more common in people with Type 1 Diabetes, Down’s syndrome, autoimmune disease, and thyroiditis. The symptoms can be more severe when there is concurrent illness, like rotavirus or a toxin ingestion.

In the people who have Celiac, gluten triggers an inflammatory reaction which causes the little absorptive pillars in the small intestine to die off, and causes crypt hyperplasia in the walls of the gut. This affects the person’s ability to absorb nutrients, resulting in the weight loss, diarrhea, and the other symptoms listed above. It also causes the production of antigliadin antibody (AGA), tissue transglutaminase (tTG), and antiendomysium antibody (EMA), which can be tested for and are used to screen for Celiac disease. Convenient, yes?

If you think your children might have Celiac disease, get them tested. If the test is positive, he or she will need to see a specialist and have a biopsy done to confirm the diagnosis. Children who test positive for Celiac disease need to consult with a nutritionist, both to learn which foods and products contain gluten, and to learn how to maintain a healthful diet without the many things that include gluten. Short term, deficiencies of trace elements, vitamins and minerals are common with a gluten free diet (zinc, magnesium, iron and B vitamins especially); long term risks include cancers of the gut and recurrent bone fractures. Deficiencies can lead to anemia, poor immune function, poor growth, skin lesions, messed up heart and brain function, and a host of other unpleasant symptoms. Living gluten free is not something you would want to attempt without knowledge and expert guidance.

A gluten free diet is a medical necessity for people with Celiac disease. It is not a healthful way to lose weight. It is also not a good way to nourish your child. Sustenance should not be a fashion trend.

Children use food to lengthen their bones, grow their muscles, build their brains, and give them energy to run, climb, and think. We need to avoid feeding our children things like concentrated sweets, sodas, and greasy fast food; we do not need to avoid whole grain breads and cereals.

Whole grain and protein are not in any way toxic, even though a very few people are allergic and have to avoid them. Pretending to have an allergy to be “hip” is just silly, and disrespectful of the people who actually have Celiac disease.

If your children do not have Celiac, stick to a nutritious diet including whole and enriched grains. Feeding your children a gluten free diet when they don’t have Celiac disease is not only inconvenient and expensive, it also carries with it serious risk to your children’s health.

To grow, two-year-olds should have about three ounces of grain per day; by four, they should get five ounces; between nine and eighteen, they need to take in between five and eight ounces. At least half of this should be whole grain; the rest should be enriched (iron, vitamins and minerals added back in).

Don’t let fads decide for you what to feed your child; rely on common sense and nutritional science. Focus on fresh fruits and vegetables, then add whole and enriched grains and a little protein. Sit down and eat together as a family, and watch your munchkins grow and thrive.

The Blogger's Pit Stop
DomesticatedMomster

Why Can’t the Doc Fix My Kid’s Cold?

sneezing boy-01Happy cold and flu season! How many times have you taken your child to the doctor and been told, “It’s just a virus. Rest, push fluids, and they’ll feel better in about 10 days”?

Sadly, it’s true. There are hundreds of different viruses that cause colds, from the most common rhinovirus through the ever-unpleasant adenovirus to the rather pretty coronavirus (it has a crown…).

We can’t fix any of them.

All of them are contagious. All you have to do to catch one is breathe around someone who has one, or touch a surface that someone infectious has recently touched and then rub your nose or eyes. After a 2 or 3 day incubation period you will wake up to a scratchy throat and headache and you too will be infectious (mostly for the first 3 days).

Children catch an average of 8-10 colds during the first two years of their lives; they average 6-8 colds per year during their school years. Since most colds occur from October through March, this means 1-2 colds per month, lasting 10 days each. If it seems like your children are sick all the time, it’s because… they are sick all the time.

Symptoms of a cold include fever, red watery eyes, congestion, cough, tiredness and decreased appetite. Your child’s ears might feel plugged up. Watery nasal discharge can turn thick and green after a day or two (this doesn’t mean they have a sinus infection, it’s just part of what a virus does).

So how do we keep them as healthy as possible? You probably already know the basics:

  • Wash their hands frequently. Keep those hands away from their eyes, nose and mouth! No nail chewing!
  • Cover their mouths when they sneeze or cough. Elbows or facial tissues work.
  • Disinfect surfaces.
  • Look for small daycares and classes whenever possible (I know, but we can dream).
  • Do what you can to boost their young immune systems. Breastfeeding your infant will make me poor–all that wonderful grown-up immunity transferred to your little one. Never smoke in air your child will inhale. Really. Never. It will destroy their immune system. And yours, by the way. Take probiotics like Acidophilus (in yogurt) or Lactobacillis.
  • Make sure they get enough sleep. If they are sleepy during the day, move their bedtimes up. Tired people get sick.
  • Offer them healthy food, and throw out all the unhealthy food so they will have fewer options when they get hungry.
  • Have lots of fluids available, because hydration is necessary for your body’s defenses to work. And no, I don’t mean soda. Water, dilute juice or milk please.

When your children get sick, treat their symptoms so that they will feel better. We have nothing that cures colds–antibiotics do not kill viruses. Salt water (saline) nose sprays are safe. Tylenol or ibuprofen will help with fever and pain. Over the counter cold meds will suppress some of the symptoms in children over 6 years of age, although they’ve never been proven to work for younger kids.

Call your doctor if the fever lasts more than three days, if your child is lethargic or unusually cranky, or if they have an earache or breathing problems.

Make them rest and drink fluids, and they’ll feel better in about 10 days.

The Blogger's Pit Stop

How to Keep Your Kid Alive and Still Have a Happy Halloween

Kids Carving Pumpkin At Halloween

A Safe and Happy Halloween

Time again for the annual “How to keep your kid alive and still have a happy Halloween” article. I know you’ve read this sort of thing before, but skim through – you might see something you forgot!

First, costumes:

From tiny ones who want to be lions to preteens dripping blood, costumes are the best part of Halloween. For a few hours we suspend boring reality and play at being something else. How better to encourage creativity and imagination?

Please try for bright, easy-to-see colors. Check to make sure the fabric is flame retardant and add reflective tape. Make sure the costume fits well so your little guy won’t trip. Stick your little gal’s feet into comfortable shoes. Pin a paper with their name, address and phone number inside their pockets in case you get separated.

Paint their faces so they don’t need to wear masks that can obstruct their vision.

Be careful about those accessories! Long scythes and pitchforks can be trip hazards. Accessories should be soft, short, fake and flexible. Guns that look real have caused problems when people were unsure they were toys. Arm them with a flashlight with fresh batteries instead.

Home décor:

I once put a big fat candle on a table decorated with straw. It took my next-door neighbor–a fireman–raising his brow sardonically for me to see that this was not a terribly bright idea. So. Be careful where you put flame. Fire inside a floor level pumpkin with costumes sweeping by–not so good. Try battery powered candles or glow sticks instead. The firemen will appreciate it.

Only the grown ups get to use sharp objects, so pumpkin carving is for big people only. Nothing ruins a holiday like a trip to the ER. Kids can design with markers or paint.

Last, inspect your yard and home for trip hazards such as bikes and hoses. Check for frayed wires, and poorly lit areas.

Trick-or-treating:

There are, I admit, children who may disagree with me about costumes being the best part of Halloween. There is that other thing they like a lot: running around neighborhoods screaming maniacally and getting free candy. I would frown upon such activity but I have fond memories of doing the same.

The number one way children are hurt on Halloween is by running in front of cars in the excitement of the moment. Teach them basic safety, know where your kids are, and know who they are with.

Kids under 12 walk with a grown-up (No, that is not up for debate; blame it on me.) Over 12, it depends on the maturity of the child and the safety of the neighborhood. If they are not with a grown-up, they need to travel in a group, on a preplanned path. If you can find a neighborhood where they close off the streets, enjoy! If not, hike through a familiar neighborhood (it can’t hurt to check the registered sex offender site and avoid those houses).

Trick-or-treaters need to stay in well-lit areas, avoiding short cuts, alleys and darkness. Use sidewalks and walk facing traffic. Be careful when crossing the street: even if the approaching car does see your child, the one behind him or her might not. Make sure they know to never approach parked cars and never enter a house. Have your big kid carry a cell phone and check in every hour. Agree on a curfew.

When they get home, go through their haul. Throw out anything that looks like it was tampered with, anything home made (if you don’t know the maker), choking hazards, and whatever else you can get away with. Freeze some for holiday cookies later.

Last, take care to keep your pets safe during the holiday. Keep chocolate and anything sweetened with xylitol away from your dog. Watch for choking hazards and yummy electric wires, and lock your four legged ones away from the front door so they won’t escape when the hoodlums knock.

Happy Haunting!

How to Use Mindfulness to Help Your Child

boy with baloon2-01Mindfulness has become mainstream. The InnerKids Foundation in LA has been teaching mindfulness to inner city kids since 2001. The Goldie Hawn Foundation sponsors a program called MindUp that has trained thousands of teachers. In all likelihood, mindfulness is coming to a school near you, with very good reason. Mindfulness works.

MindUP has shown a 90% increase in children’s ability to get along with other children; an 80% increase in optimism; and a 75% improvement in planning, organizational skills, and  impulse control when kids practice. Several studies have shown that mindfulness practice brings a sense of well being and decrease in stress.

Our world has gone crazy, and our children are having problems with anxiety, stress, depression, and the resultant physical symptoms: stomach aches, headaches, and chronic tiredness. Anxious, stressed out kids build stories in their minds that circle, grow, and separate them from what is real and manageable. Mindfulness can help.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a meditation practice that we in the west have stolen from the Buddhists and warped to our own purposes. Through mindfulness practice a child can achieve a state of mind where they aware, focused on the present, and calmly accepting of  themselves and the world around them, without judgement.

Does this not sound like exactly what we want for our kids? Kids who learn to practice mindfulness have in their arsenal a tool that will help them deal with anxiety, stress, impulsiveness, and any number of damaging emotions–with no side effects and at the bargain price of free. No need to join a religion, and anyone can learn it.

How do we do it?

There are many internet sites that can lead you through mindfulness practice with your kids. I particularly like Renee Jain, MAPP, but there are many out there. There is even an iPhone app! The basics are really very simple:

  • First and most important, do it with your child.
  • Find a peaceful, quiet place, sit comfortably (the crossed leg/hands on knee thing is optional).
  • Focus on awareness of one thing.
  • Notice that thing–a sight, or sound, or feeling-any one thing.
  • Acknowledge that thing, then let the thought drift away, without judgement.

Babies are naturals at mindfulness. Stick mushed peaches in their mouths and they will taste them, look at them on their hands, rub them all over their faces, and smell them. They are in the moment and focused on those peaches. We can learn a lot from babies.

Older kids need to be brought back to that sort of focus. Sit with them in a quiet, comfortable place, and guide them to think about one thing. Use something they can hear (a bell or a shaker?) or taste, or smell. Teach them to notice that thing, then let that notice float away. Be aware and focused, but don’t try to conclude anything about what they are focused on and don’t pass judgement. Just hear, or see, or smell-and then let it go.

As kids get older, they can learn more traditional meditation techniques: breath coming into and going out, awareness of their bodies and of passing thoughts, and letting go so that they can be in the next moment, without attachment to what is passed and gone.

There is no one right way to meditate: the point is to be peaceful and live, for that time, in the present without attachment and without judgement. People meditate by arranging sand, by doing yoga, by coloring, by going fishing–whatever works for you and your child.

Why practice mindfulness?

Meditation can teach kids how to break the spiraling cycle of anxiety; how to develop a more positive and optimistic viewpoint; how to live without pronouncing judgement on everything they encounter, and on themselves. It can help them feel better about themselves and learn to regulate their emotions and impulses.

Imagine your child coming home stressed because someone was mean, they have too much homework, or they are last picked for a team. Imagine if they could find a quiet place, trace that stress to its origin, transform it into a color or a breeze in their minds– and let it go.

Better than sitting, stewing in the stress, and letting it spiral and grow until it takes over their evening, yes?

Create a habit of daily meditation.

Take a few minutes every evening and make meditation a routine–maybe right before homework or bed? Reward them for practicing with a hug or a few minutes more of your time, as you reward any behavior of which you want to see more.

Mindfulness is a skill, like riding a bike. If your child practices every day, when he or she needs it they won’t have to think about how to get their feet onto the pedals and make the bike roll forward. It will just be there for them.

Mindfulness works. Mindfulness practice has been shown to improve kids’ coping skills and their sense of well being. It can improve memory and learning by teaching them to pay attention and focus. It can teach them to be aware of their feelings, accept them, and then let them go, so that they can make wise decisions with their minds rather than poor ones based on overwhelming emotions. They can learn to self regulate and control their own emotions and actions.

Give it a try. Everyone can use a few minutes of peace in their day.

DomesticatedMomster
The Blogger's Pit Stop

Top Eight Safety Features for Your Teen’s New Car

 

student_driver

Photo credit: Ildar Sagdeje

The dread day is here – your child has his or her driver’s license, and desperately neeeeds their own car. But which car do you buy them? Ignore that grasping hand trying to drag you over to the shiny new sports car. There are reasons why the insurance is so high on those cars.

Teen drivers lack experience, are easily distracted, and have more frequent and severe accidents. Passive safety features (those that work without anyone having to turn them on or fasten them) are the way to go.

Bryan Mac Murray, Outreach Specialist at Personal Injury Help, gave us today’s blog on car safety features:

The Eight Most Important Safety Features to Look for in a Car

Regardless of whether you are looking for a new car or an old car for your teen, there are  safety features available that can have a significant impact on the outcome of a crash. Here are the most important safety features, in order, to look for when choosing a car:

  1. Electronic stability control is a must. A mandatory technological feature since the 2012 model year, this helps the driver keep control of the vehicle on slick roads and curves. It has been proven to be an effective safety device cutting the single-vehicle crash risk in nearly half. Because teens are often inexperienced behind the wheel, electronic stability control should be near the top of your priority list.
  2. Anti-lock brakes provide more reliable braking and help the vehicle stop without the brakes locking and causing the car to skid off the road. Anti-lock brakes will bring the car to a stop faster, which is great for teens who may not be as attentive as adult drivers.
  3. Airbags are a necessity. While most newer cars are equipped with six airbags, there are cars that have as many as 10. Each of these airbags can significantly protect in an impact. There are front airbags, front-seat side-mounted airbags, two side mounted airbags, driver’s knee airbags, and even overhead airbags that deploy during a rollover.
  4. Automatic crash notification which is subscription-based. Using a built-in phone system, it will call a live operator who is able to pinpoint the car’s exact location and send emergency services to the location. Several automakers now offer this system and you can even have a system installed on most newer vehicles.
  5. A dedicated navigation system is a good idea, as it can keep teens from using their phone’s navigation while driving.
  6. An app to prevent cellphone use while your teen is driving. Depending on your level of comfort with technology, it may be a good idea to look for one of  these apps and install them for your teens. Some are free; some require a subscription.
  7. Automatic braking can determine if a vehicle is about to be in an accident and will automatically apply the brakes, attempting to avoid a collision. This feature has proven very effective.
  8. Forward-collision warning (FCW) will warn teens when a crash is imminent. It uses radar, laser, and camera to detect an imminent crash and to warn the driver so he or she can attempt to avoid an accident.

Research the Safety Rating

While looking for a vehicle with the proper safety features, you should also research the car’s safety rating. Of course, a five-star safety rating means the car is much safer than the average vehicle. Safer vehicles have good ratings in 4 areas: moderate overlap front, roof strength, side, and head restraint tests. In order for a vehicle to be recommended for a teen, it should earn 4 or 5 stars overall if rated by the National Highway Safety Administration (NHTSA). It’s also a good practice to check for any safety recalls on  any cars you may be considering –  if it doesn’t have proof that it was made safe, you may need to move on.

When purchasing a car for a teen, buy a vehicle with as many safety features as you can afford. Safety features are important for all vehicles, but much more vital for the safety of young inexperienced drivers who are just now venturing out on roads and learning proper driving techniques.

 

DomesticatedMomster
The Blogger's Pit Stop

*This Article was written by Personal Injury Help, however this article is not intended to be legal advice nor should it be construed as such.  To learn more about Personal Injury Help, you can visit their website at http://www.personalinjury-law.org or email them at help@personalinjury-law.org

Did You Know? Truth, Tips, and Treatment for Warts.

girl-doc-01The common wart, or verruca vulgaris, appears as a small, rough-surfaced bump on your child’s skin, frequently on their hands or feet. Interestingly, kids can be infected for months before the warts actually get big enough to see. Warts are benign, causing little harm to their bearer (the exception being genital warts). They can, however, drive the parent of said bearer insane.

Warts are caused by a virus called Human Papillomavirus. They are contagious. Kids catch them by touching someone else’s wart, or by touching a surface that has come in contact with a wart. The virus prefers to invade through cuts, abrasions, and chewed bits of skin, so children are fertile ground for invasion.

There are about 130 strains of HPV. The type of wart you get depends on the strain and on where it appears.

Types of warts include:

  • Common warts. HPV types 2, 4 and 7, among others, cause the common wart. These warts can pop up anywhere, but they are most often seen on hands. “Periungal” warts are around the fingernails.
  • Plantar warts. Most commonly HPV 1, but can be caused by other strains ( 2, 3, 4, 27, 28, and 58) “Plantar” means on the sole of the foot, so that’s where you find plantar warts. They can be painful, because constant pressure on the sole of the foot forces them to grow inward rather than outward. They can feel like a pebble in a shoe.
  • Mosaic warts are a group of warts clustered together, usually on a foot.
  • Filiform warts. HPV strains 1, 2, 4, 27, and 29.These are rapidly growing long strings, frequently found on eyelids and noses. Luckily they are less common.
  • Flat warts. HPV 3, 10, 28 and 49. These warts are smaller, smooth, and more numerous. Kids will get between 20 and 100 separate warts all at once. They like to show up on the face.
  • Genital warts. There are lots of strains but the worst are 16 and 18, which cause cervical, skin, and anal cancers. This is the one we have a vaccine to prevent, given at age 11 or 12.

There are many therapies for warts, and many interesting traditional remedies. None of them work terribly well. My favorite dermatologist once said, “treating warts is treating a non-disease with a series of treatment failures.” Left alone, warts will resolve on their own, so doing nothing is probably the best option. Duct tape and rubbing with  potatoes are absolutely safe to try.

There are medical treatment options if the warts are driving you nuts. (check out the American Academy of Dermatology)

  • Chemical peels. Paint the wart with an acid every day after a good soak. Then abrade off the top layer of the wart with an emery board or pumice stone. (Don’t use the board or stone for anything else). You can buy salicylic acid over the counter, or a doctor can prescribe a stronger version. Some docs will also use tretinoin or glycolic acid, especially for flat warts.
  • Cryotherapy, or freezing.We use liquid nitrogen to form a burn blister under the wart, so that the wart will die and scab off. This frequently requires repeated treatments every two weeks or so.
  • Imiquimod (Aldara cream). This is a cream that encourages your body to make interferon, a part of your immune system that will fight off the virus.
  • Canthariden. This is a poison made from beetles injected into the wart–not FDA approved.
  • Electrosurgery and Curettage. Fancy words for burning it then scraping it off. Ouch.
  • Excision. Cutting it out.
  • Lasers (usually a pulse dye laser) and Infrared Coagulators. Painful and can leave a scar, both to your skin and your bank account.
  • Bleomycin. This is a cancer chemotherapy drug injected into the wart. Not ideal, as it is very painful and can cause you to lose pieces of fingernails, or fingers. Just say no.
  • DPCP, or diphencyprone. This is a potent contact allergen. The idea is that when your body reacts to the allergen it will attack the wart. Side effects include itching, welts, and blistering. Did I mention that common warts don’t have any side effects?
  • Cidofovir. The new thing, in trials now. It is an antiviral that actually kills off the virus with minimal side effects. Very cool, but still in the future.

So, all in all, my favorite wart therapy is: do nothing. They will usually go away on their own. Exceptions are if the wart changes color, bleeds without good reason, becomes painful, or interferes with your child’s activities. It is also important to see a doc if your child has a weak immune system caused by AID’s or things like cancer chemotherapy.

So, to end, Mark Twain’s advice, via Tom Sawyer:

Put your hand into water collecting in the hollow of a tree stump at midnight and say: “Barley-corn, barley-corn, injun-meal shorts…Spunk-water, spunk-water, swaller these warts.” Then “walk away quick, eleven steps, with your eyes shut, and then turn around three times and walk home without speaking to anybody. Because if you speak the charm’s busted.”

DomesticatedMomster
The Blogger's Pit Stop

The Weird and Interesting Life of a Flu Virus

sick-kid-01The first description we have of the influenza virus was from Hippocrates (my hero!) 2400 years ago. He dealt with it every winter, endlessly, just as we do now. Nowadays it makes between 3 and 5 million people sick each year, and kills 250 to 500 thousand people annually. In the US we average 200 thousand hospitalizations and 36 thousand deaths yearly. Persistent, nasty little bugger.

Influenza gets its name from the Italian word for influence, because we initially thought it was caused by the influence of the stars, and later by the influence of the cold. Now we know better.

The influenza  virus is a tiny spherical particle, only 80-120 nanometers in size. It would take a million of them standing in a row to make a 1 centimeter line. Its core is made of 8 separate segments of RNA (we humans have DNA). This core is surrounded by protective proteins and an envelop with 2 types of “glycoproteins”–the famous Hs and Ns you hear about when people talk about which type of flu is causing problems each year: Hemagglutinins and Neuraminidases. NPR has a very cool video of the flu virus invading a cell. The “key” in the video is the hemagglutinin.

The Hemagglutinins (Hs) bind to target cells in your body and inject the virus particle into your cells. How contagious the flu is, what symptoms it gives you, and how sick it can make you depends on the Hs. An H that can bind to cells in your eyes, nose, and mouth is more contagious than one that can only bind to your throat. An H that can bind to a cell deep in your lung is much more serious than one that can only bind to a cell in your throat.

The Neuraminidases (Ns) release the progeny of that prolific particle from that cell so that the little critters can spread further through your body.

The Hs and Ns are the molecules our immune systems build antibodies against, whether we catch the flu or just get exposed to the dead virus in the annual vaccine. The Hs and Ns are also the targets for antiviral drugs. There are 16 different Hs and 9 different Ns. Humans are usually infected with H 1,2, or 3 and N 1 and 2.

There are three groups (genera) of flu viruses in the family Orthomyxoviridae. (I am a nerd–I love that word. Ortho-myxo-vir-i-dae. It would make a killer rap song.) The three groups are simply labeled A, B, and C. Nerds have no creativity. A, B, and C. Sad.

  • Flu A has the most serogroups (Hs and Ns), infects the most different animals, and is the most virulent. It also mutates 2-3 times faster than B. The critters it infects are mostly aquatic birds, but it can infect many other species. We frequently call the flu by which animal is its main host. Human, bird, and swine are the most common strains we humans catch.
  • Flu B has only one serogroup and is almost exclusive to humans. It tends to be less severe and less common. Since it only has one serogroup and mutates slowly, many people develop a degree of immunity to it.
  • Flu C is even less common and less severe.

Flu viruses enter cells so that they can make copies of themselves and spread. As they make those copies they sometimes make mistakes, creating mutations. They average one mistake per copy, so mutation is constant– what we call antigenic drift. That’s why we never get immune to Flu A–it changes every year.

What makes Flu unique: There is one really cool thing about the flu virus that makes it different from most viruses: its RNA is split into 8 segments. Most viruses have one long piece of RNA. This means that if your local pig catches 2 different strains of flu at the same time, these strains can trade segments. When that happens we get antigenic shifts– much larger changes for which people have no immunity. These larger shifts can create a pandemic, like the Spanish flu in 1918 that killed an estimated 21 million people. We average 3 pandemics each century. We worry a lot about pandemics.

So, those are the ABCs of the flu virus. If you crave something more useful, like what you can do about it, check out my post on colds and flu or info on fever.

Now wash those little hands with soap, keep them away from noses and mouths, break out the alcohol (not the drinkable kind) and bleach, and go get those flu shots! This year’s shot covers Flu A H1N1 and H3N2, and two strains of B.

DomesticatedMomster
The Blogger's Pit Stop

How to Get Kids to Do Their Homework

girl with books-01If it seems like you are always fussing at your child to get his or her homework done, it’s because you are always fussing at your child to get his or her homework done. There are more than 2000 school days in your child’s life, all of which seem to end with homework. Over time that means you need to inspire your children to do about 4000 hours of schoolwork at home, when friends and screens are calling their names.

I, of course, have a few suggestions on how to get that mountain of homework done with less argument and frustration:

First, establish the habit of homework long before they actually have any. When they are little, arrange time in the evening when the TV is turned off, activities are done, and you as a family can sit and read, build things, or play games that involve a little brain work. Do this during the two hours before bed and the kids will also sleep better.

Keep the goal in mind. What do kids gain from doing homework? We want them to learn the material, of course. More importantly, we want them to learn how to learn, and to love doing it. We want to furnish them with skills that will prove useful in real life. If homework can teach your children to examine facts, explore knowledge, organize and take personal responsibility for their work, and manage their time efficiently – what might he or she accomplish in life? These are the very skills that form a foundation for success.

Where to do it? Choose a place. There is no “right” place. If your child learns better in a quiet environment, a desk in his or her room would work well. If she needs a little supervision, the kitchen table might work better. Wherever you choose, turn off the TV, videogame, and cell phone (quiet music is usually fine, and sometimes can even help children concentrate). Make sure they are comfortable and the lighting is good. Have the supplies they need – pencils, paper, calendar, dictionary? – nearby. Get rid of any distractions.

When to do it? Pick a time. Again, there is no “right” time. Some kids will do better right after school; some will need to blow off steam and may do better after dinner. Choose the time that works best for your individual children, involving them in the decision. Then make this schedule a routine, because children’s brains accommodate habits well. Kids don’t argue over something they have done every day for years; they argue endlessly over change and unpredictability.

Give your children a warning a few minutes before their free time is ending, so they can finish whatever they are doing before you drag them away.

Order homework by subject. Start the hardest subjects first; position assignments which require memorization (spelling, math?) early and repeat after breaks.

Keep your expectations appropriate for your child’s age. As a general rule of thumb a child should have about 10 minutes of homework per grade level. Children in elementary school will need help organizing their work and staying on task; teenagers should be able to do their work without supervision. If all goes well, somewhere in middle school they learn to take responsibility.

Since you as parents won’t always be around to supervise, let your teenager fail in high school when they make poor choices. Summer school is cheaper and immensely less life altering than flunking out of college; repeating algebra is torture, but less traumatic than loosing a job.

Expect problems. Approach problems with diplomacy and respect for the person who is your child. Label the problem: “You get distracted by your cell phone.” Don’t label your child: never “You’re lazy.” Be willing to compromise with your child to solve the problem. “If you will turn off the cell phone while you do your work, you can have 5 minute breaks between subjects to catch up, call and text.” Agree to the compromise; it is a contract with your progeny. If you need to, write it down and both of you sign it. Read my blog on How to Fight with a Child.

Rewrite this contract when the first one flops, until you find an arrangement that enables your child to learn and you to not run screaming from the room.

Allow the child’s input as much as possible. Let him decorate his workspace up to the point where he puts in distractions. Let her decide subject order, as long as it works. Let them choose their break activity, up to a time limit.

Reward success. We as humans are hard wired to respond better to rewards than to punishment. How long would you go to work if you did not get a paycheck?

Sadly, it is not realistic to expect a better grade to be your child’s only reward. That grade is too far into the distant misty future, over a mountain of hard labor.

Rewards work best if they are small, and given for small increments of good behavior. A hug, a smile and pride in their accomplishment is all they need when they are small. When they are a little bigger, take time to read a book together or play a game. Keep rewards simple, small, and frequent.

Older children also need small, frequent rewards, though probably not as simple. They always have items that they want, but don’t need; these items make great rewards. Study time, completed homework and test grades can all earn them points toward a want. There is no need for an argument when he or she doesn’t do their work before picking up the phone; they just won’t get that essential point.

Homework is training for life. Choose the place and time, working with your child to fit it to your family routines, your child’s personality, and his or her age. Endeavor to teach self-discipline, time management and responsibility equally with reading, writing, and arithmetic. Reward success. Keep in mind that the goal is not to learn how to spell that list of words, but rather to inspire a love of learning which will propel your child to succeed, now and into the future.

DomesticatedMomster
The Blogger's Pit Stop